The Perks of Being a Cuban.

I'm not sure why I'm postingright now. Perhaps because there's nothing better to do on a quiet free period that nobody has. I'm thinking about what Ms Garcia said today about Cuba and about the school of the Americas. The school, while it does do military training is not fully responsible for the corruptness of many of its alumni. Evil and mallice is part of your configuration at birth. It is there and fostered by the parents. Fidel Castro, who is the worst and most unethical and evil human being in the universe, actually went to a JESUIT high school. I go to a Jesuit high school and Jesuit teaching is completely about bettering the problems with humanity. The Jesuits are a good people and they were not blamed for Fidel's evil ways. He was born that way and if anyone to blame it is his parents. A school is a school. Evil is simply human nature.

Short answer- no. I am not. Should I be? Am I too much of a pushover? Do people take advantaee of my kindness? Do I allow myself to be stifled too often? These are all questions I haven't answered yet. Questions that I do not think i CAN answer. But a very wise person told me I should be meaner. Does meanness go hand in hand with respect? I need to figure out what I want to do with myself. I don't want to be mean, I'm too cute to be mean :). But I do not want to be nice either. So from now on, I'm going to be mean to those who deserve it.

That's the first thing Ms Garcia taught me. Do not be anyone other than who you want people to say that you are. Be yourself completely. How do people see me? If they could use one word to describe me, some would say funny, others would say sarcastic, but others would say that I am quiet. It's all about how we act and react in situations and settings. In the cafeteria I am goofy, loud and funny. It's a loyud room so to be funny in there you have to be over the top. In the Pub Room, I am sarcastic, facial expressions alone can get me a laugh in there. In the foyer, with Dan in the mornings, I'm mean, snarky, awesome! Also in the Foyer however I'm polte and say good morning to teachers who pass who I may not like very much. "Hey Mr Lagerstrom. Hi Ms Codey how are you?" In religion class I never shut up, not to McCarthy I never listen, I just sit with 2 or 3 people who talk a lot and I'm one of them. I never get yelled at though... they do. Hmm! In Spanish class, I am polite, sweet, and funny, I speak when everyone else is or when spoken to. I make sure to make the right facial exressions when someone makes fun of Cuba. In writing class I'm quiet, really trying to learn, seriously. It's importantto me to become better at what I like to do. I don't see myself as a writer yet. Another thing Ms Garcia taught me was to visualize myself fulfilling my destiny. "Convince yourself that you already ARE who you want to BECOME." (i am a writer i am a writer i am a writer). In Histry Im quiet, asleep with my eyes open. In Steinbeck Im quiet, trying not to wet myself, what a scary man. He was SO NICE today though! Woo Wee!
Ms Garcia has done so much for me. She's helped me in every way she's tried to. None of her other students take her inspirational talks to heart, I do. And today when the senior survey asked me to describe myself in one word, I wrote what I UNDOUBTEDLY am in every class. Cuban.

I wrote this to release some tension. I'm in a bad mood and this is about helping myself find my own way when the person you've always depended on lets you down.


My Way Home
Time Time, be my friend
With me till my bitter end oh time
You’re all I’ve got right now

Rom Room gimme some room
Gimme some truth, some space
Some love some time to heal my open wounds

Faith Faith I gotta have faith
Lord shelter me when no one will be
There, there to protect me

Love Love I must find some love
To be my solace in a world
Of abandonment and forgotten promises

Rain Rain wash me away
Take away the pain of today
And I pray, that flowers grow through the cracked pavement

Find Find find me tonight
Amidst all of my pain my strife
Hide me away and take me away from ths place

New New I need some place new
A warmer place to hang my hat
And finally feel important.

Melody Melody wrap yourself around me
Formulate my reverie
Be with me and help me create my destiny

Destiny Destiny surprise me
Changing unexpectedly
Move too fast; help me find my way home.

I truly feel that the only thing that keeps me going this week is knowing that there will be a new O.C. this Thursday. I'm sleepy. Too sleepy. There are huge bags under my eyes and my eyes droop. I need sleep, and I just can't let myself. I'd want nothing more than to just fall asleep at830. That would give me a good nine hours. Heaven. I can't do it though. I've tried, and usually wake up around 230. My body thinks it's napping if I go to bed t hat early.
I'm very paranoid about what I write. I think my writing should be an extension of myself and it should be a fair representation of who I am. Therefore I should strive to write in a way that makes me proud of myself. Even for yearbook, I should always strive for perfection. I'm too much of a perfectionist. I make drafts when I'm writing yearbook articles. I draft more than Ms Eaton wants me to in creative writing. I rewrite and revise every day until it is due. I'm psychotic, too psychotic? It's not a bad thing. My perfectionistic tendencies have always seemed to result in something good, whether it is high praise or a high grade. My paranoid quirkiness usually ends up being good, even though I break my back in the process. Maybe it's too much, but it never hurts to aim towards being perfect. I'll stop when I have a breakdown like Mariah circa 2002.