The Perks of Being a Cuban.

I think the world's biggest geniuses, the worlds most brilliant minds, are often deranged, wacky, or slightly off. Ray Lamontagne is the most brilliant songwriter ever, and he looks like a serial killer. His writing is raw, uninhibited, honest, and gut wrenching. He seems reclusive, quiet, but that is the sign of brilliance isn't it. Who's that poet that locked herself in her room and wrote the most depressing collection of writing ever? I forget, but it seems like being wacky and reclusive is usually hand in hand with brilliance. he's been on tour this summer with a band called Guster (pop rock with fans like the ones DMB would have. You know, the drunk idiotic frat boys). So, Ray has been getting no respect during his set. Drunk frat boys talking the whole time. Lately he has been storming off stage, mid-song, before the end of his set. Sometimes throwing his guitar and muttering things. The worst was a couple nights ago when he said (I kid you not) to some guy who was just laughing in the crowd: "We have a fuck in the audience. You must think the blues are funny. I suppose you'd rather be at home drinking beers, waiting for your children to get old enough to rape." So yeah, check out his CD n the comfort of your living room, where the brilliant artist can't scare you.

Who am I to tell you
Where you should be heading
What am I to you
I thought I was more

I keep on roaming, I keep on treading
I keep on thinking worrying dreading
Doom is impending, we lose and keep moving
But I’m not ready to move on

Maybe it’ll stop burning
If I just ignore you
Maybe I should stop caring
About what he does to you
Maybe then I’ll start sleeping
Without dreaming of you
With me
Maybe then I’ll be happy

Where’d he take you to
How are you feeling
What can I do
How is he treating you

I keep on fearing I keep questioning
All the decisions that you’ve been making
What is that something your life is missing
I’ve missed you for so long

Maybe it’ll stop burning
If I just ignore you
Maybe I should stop caring
About what he does to you
Maybe then I’ll start sleeping
Without dreaming of you
With me
Maybe then I’ll be happy

I haven’t slept in days
Figuring out just what to say
To you

Maybe if I don’t let it burn
Maybe if I ignore you
Maybe if I stop caring
You’ll start missing me too

You’re still somewhere
I see pieces scattered everywhere I go
You’re everywhere
Taking over every thought I know

I know its forever
I’ll never see you again
But I can’t ever
Let the fact that you’re gone set in

I’ll keep you here
In my mind the memories are still happy
I’ll hold you near
I’ll keep the things you left here to remind me
That You
And Me
Are Broken

Do you remember
All the times we laughed until we cried
But now forever
The tears still comes the laughter subsides

Subsided, we’re shattered
I still don’t know why
Our memories scattered
My rooms a capsule of our precious time

I’ll keep you here
In my mind the memories are still happy
I’ll hold you near
I’ll keep the pain you left to remind me
That You
And Me
Are Broken

What the hell did I do wrong
And Why the hell didn’t I try
I see you everywhere I go
In my thoughts and dreams I am with you
I only wish that you could see me
Or maybe at least try to hear me
Crying out to you

I’ve kept you here
In my mind the memories are fading
I’ve held you near
I’ve finally had enough of waiting
You
And Me
Are Broken

And it took this long to finally set in.

i saw at orientation everyone had the fear. everyone had too much fear to eat. too much fear to talk. too much fear to sit beside on another and make eye contact. i was shocked that i , the shyest and most fearful of all, had the least amount of the fear. I still had too much fear to eat. but thats normal, i never eat

it's a good fear. it's firey, it's exciting. fear can often be good. sometimes we need fear to motivate ourselves, get our blood pumping and our asses up from life's la z boy. I'm scared, which isnt new, i'm always scared or unsure. but for once it's a good scared. as much as i hate change and disorder and all things unknown, this is good. moving forard is good. that rascall flatts song actually means something now, and damn if it doesnt always get me more scared. i like it though, it's poignant.
i think right now we're all scared. by we i mean my old classmates. the alumni. dun dun dun. i think we're all talk. All big men, excited to breakaway from mommy and daddy's cocoon, even though our wings may not have completely formed yet. we know they haven't, and we're scared. we would never admit that to anyone, somettimes not even ourselves. because we are men (like the mulan song). i don't feel like a man yet. sure all my bits and pieces work like a man's are expected to. but i'm still just a kid inside. unsure, awkward, sarcastic, with a secret sickening optimism.
the fear is good, we need the fear. if we didn't have the fear we'd be robots. we don't know what our future brings. where we belong. where we're going. sure we have dreams. then we'll have plans. then when all of that goes to crap what? then what? the fear. the fear doesn't go away. it keeps us going. it's a fire in your belly, its that feeling like you're gonna pee before you go ona rollercoaster. it's exciting.