The Perks of Being a Cuban.

As long as I'm here, it won't get any easier to leave. We all had a very bad day. It's hard to talk about, I broke my dad, or he broke me, we broke eachother. not on purpose. but he's the only person who knows what I'm going through, he knows everything and understands everything. It's a lot to handle right now.

Translated from Shakira's "No"

What’s the point in apologizing
Stop insisting to be heard
Your excuses are an outdated waste of breath
Don’t look at me longingly
With hopeless dreams of us
Lethally armed with toxic hurtful words

For the last time, I’m begging to be free
I can still feel you deep inside of me
Killing Me
At your age you proclaim maturity
You should know not to treat others like you have me

How can anyone live with so much poison
I had so much hope for you and me
Hoping we’d never be
Apart
It breaks my heart

How can anyone live with so much poison
You can’t dedicate your life
Ignoring good intentions
Ignoring all the world
Drowning in your poison

I hope you don’t expect me to expect to see you
Coming around soon
I’ve run out of what little patience I had

I drift, deciding back and forth
Searching blindingly
Maybe you’ll be bothered and leave me be

For the last time, I’m begging to be free
I can still feel you deep inside of me
Killing Me
At your age you proclaim maturity
You should know not to treat others like you have me


How can anyone live with so much poison
I had so much hope for you and me
Hoping we’d never be
Apart
It breaks my heart

How can anyone live with so much poison
You can’t dedicate your life
Ignoring good intentions
Ignoring all the world
Drowning in your poison

If I had worked harder, if i had taken things more seriously, if i were smarter and better prepred, i wouldn't be here right now. and for now, i am stuck. stuck amidst a sea of people i do not like. i've tried, believe me. i've extended myself, others have extended theirselves, and i find no one here i click to. mentally, they all lack several dozen iq points. i know i'm not smart, but i definitely do not sound stupid when i speak, i'm definitely capable of coherence in thought and sentence. they however are not. they all have stupid catch phrases like "i hear that". They're attention spans are comparable to that of a flea and the amount of effort is put more into super smash brothers than the impending deadline of a paper. they lack focus, they lack spunk, they lack personality. everything here lacks personality. everything here is just ... here. the people here just exist. they have no plans they have no goals they have o motivation. they are content with their place in the world and have no motivation, drive, or reason to move forwards. it's horrifying here. is this what the college experience is? is this what we work all our lives to arrive to? I doubt it. So for now, I'm stuck at the lopsided college experience, the world of the unmotivated, the land where time stands still. i wish i could talk to my parents, i wish i could tell them what its like here, and be completely honest. but they'd worry, they'd feel bad, and they can't do anything. I've lied, i've tried, i really did try. i really tried to make the best of a bad bad situation. but no one's clicking, nothing's happening. everyone's at the same mental capacity. i regret not doing better, i regret not applying a little out of my reach. i regret a lot of things, but most of all i regret ever agreeing to come here.

Get a sense of where I am
I come to my senses
The path that Im treading
Is winding
Is winding down
Around here
There’s nothing
Around here
There’s no one
There’s nothing

It’s me standing alone
On my own
Summing up the strength
Growing a set
And letting go
Letting go

Try to remember what I dreamt last night
Regain my sight
In the blinding sunlight
It’s clear here
I’m unclear
Where am I going
I’m unclear
What am I doing
What the hell

It’s me standing alone
On my own
Summing up the strength
Growing a set
And letting go
Letting go

That fear that’s often dreaded
Left unsaid
Left to take its toll on
Unsuspecting optimists
Like me
Had taken me over
Had tried to take over
Unsuccessfully

It’s me standing alone
On my own
Summing up the strength
Growing a set
And letting go
Letting go

The Hispanic family is a very complex beautiful thing. It should be studied, it should be envied. Not many are lucky to have what I do, and feel the love and support I feel. Not many feel so much comfort with so many people. I love my family. I cannot think what life is like without them constantly near me. I was talking to Michelle and she said that we're both so close to our families and though I'mn closer time wise, it's going to be hard fr me. Being in SF is hard for her, she thought it would get easier. but when you're raised in such a loving environment, it's hard to be alone. it's hard to be quiet, and be with no one. we're loud, we're fun. Nothing Cuban is ever quiet. And now, it's just me and the quiet. It'll take getting used to. It'll be hard being way, not seeing everybody every week for dinner or on the street. It's going to be hard not hearing everybody downstairs. It doesn't get easier when you're that close. The Latin family is close-knit. It's such a strong unbelieveable bond. Family is so important. It's going to be hard not being here for everthing now.

This is the start of a new end
Everything is just beginning
Everything is at my feet
On my shoulders

I hide away in nothing
Nowhere to be found
I’m not looking for anyone
Nobody’s even around

I’m all alone
The world’s on my back
And all I want to do is turn around
I’m all alone
Just looking back
No one that I know is still around

There’s a million ways
To go from here
To start from here
Where to now

I hide away in nothing
Nowhere to be found
I’m not looking for anyone
Nobody’s even around

I’m all alone
The world’s on my back
And all I want to do is turn around
I’m all alone
Just looking back
No one that I know is still around