The Perks of Being a Cuban.

Acceptance is a tough thing to achieve when we do everything in our power to not. It's hard to accept that things change, people change, or that the world is somethimes beyond your control. Sometimes things happen that we just cannot fix. We are a part of a constant evolution, and we'd do whatever we can to stop.

My sister is engaged. I wish I were happy, I really do. For her sake I wish I could accept this. But i can't. I feel uneasy thiinking about a future with him in it. He's never rubbed me the right way and I have a bad feeling about all of this. She seems happy but I just can't. I want to, for her. I cant.

We try to force acceptance, we burry our true feelings way deep down. But do we ever let them go?

This has not been a particularly easy time for you and the ride isn't quite over yet. You may now feel a fresh wave of emotions washing over you, but the danger stems from holding on to the past instead of gracefully flowing into the future. Practice by envisioning a totally new and different scenario without worrying about its practicality. Don't judge your thoughts, however outrageous. Simply thinking about all the possible paths can provide the right opportunity.

I try to ignore horoscopes. They're fake and untrue. THey give false hope. We're all a little superstitious, however much we fight it. We have a quirk, a "thing" that brings comfort and assurance. We don't look for signs, but they happen. Today, while I was writing in my notebook, the AOL horoscope page opened. I didn't click it, nothing was clicked, it just opened. and i read todays and then yesterdays, which i pasted above. It was sort of spot on, which scared me. I've struggled recently with the conflict between past and present. I've tried toi come to terms with what's behind me, while attempting to welcome what's around me. It's something that in time will come to me, I'll stop dwelling. I've already stopped. I'm learning and growing and thinking too big which for now is okay. I'll get there.

Along the way, you lose touch. I've lost touch with several people I've cared about. But today, I met up with some of my best friends from grammar school. We lost touch and somehow everyone picked up where we left off. It was so weird to se eeveryone again, I was nervous that it wouldn't be the same. We are all so much more mature now. It's just so weird. Good weird. It was nice. I had an easier time with them than I ever have with "the others". The first friends you make are always your best. I hope this sticks.

I'm writing this though I should already be well on my way to meet with friends. They want to meet /hang out at Prep. When I read that and felt no excitement or need to go there, I felt relief. It's a relief to be moving forward, to find resolution in where I am and finally stop feeling like there's too much left behind. There's no need for me to ever go to Prep. It's not like SFA which shuts down if i visit, the entire school gets excited. At Prep, no one really gets too thrilled, it's a bigger place, I'm a smaller fish who doesn't fit there much anymore. I'm moving forward. So all this time I felt like I was stuck in the past, not moving while everyone else did, I realize that my friends still haven't moved on. I don't want to go today. It just doesn't feel right being there. That's not my school anymore.
SFA will always be my school. I was there for 8 years. There, I was nurtured and nourished. They fed our minds and souls like a mother does her own children. There are deep rooted connections in SFA that do not exist at Prep. I grew up at SFA, they saw me and continue to see me maturing. They've been there for every moment in my life good and bad. The connection there is different to that of Prep. I loved my high school, but SFA is my home.

I'm kind of stuck between wanting to go back to school and dreading it. Going back means the start of classes again. New teachers, assignments, things to preoccupy myself with. I think I'm okay with all of this. finally. It's something I've combatted for a long time, my hard head. I'm stubborn, I did not give my school a chance. I don't see myself there for any longer than this semester, but after leaving the horibble dorm I've felt better about my place in Stockton. That dorm and those people represented everything bad about that place, maybe about college in general. They were the aimless slackers who really had no motive for graduating. I've sincce met people with purpose, with stories and personalities. They are not lifelong friends, but for now they'll do. Things are getting better and for the next five months, they will stay that way

There's no pont in making resolutions when you live your life so arduously trying to not regret your mistakes. You convince yourself that your past was your destiny and that there's no point in changing yourself now. Any other mistakes will just make you more sure of who you are. So you make resolutions to better yourself, and eventually give up. You loe control of the plan you've set up, it's easier to keep giving into your bad habits. A resolution is a resolve of determination. We are selfishly determined to forget our goals for this year. Our outright refusal to grow and redesign ourselves become resolutions of their own.



I don’t want to embrace this resignation
Confused for loss of control
I don’t want to hold onto
That which must be let go

I don’t want to make this resolution
Forcing a change within me
I don’t want to force away
Something inside that’s always been

A part of who I was
Tortures me this day
I played the part of the coward
A part of me still pays for what I’ve done

Renounce who I was
Take away the power in my name
Resolve what I’ve done
Devalue my thoughts and things I’ve said
Resolution
Resolution
Worthless, I’ll break you in a month.


I don’t want to make this resolution
Because I’ve lost control
I don’t want to sell my soul
Just because I can’t let things go

A part of who I was
Tortures me this day
I played the part of the coward
A part of me still pays for what I’ve done

Renounce who I was
Take away the power in my name
Resolve what I’ve done
Devalue my thoughts and things I’ve said
Resolution
Resolution
Worthless, I’ll break you in a month.

Thoughtless, I’ll forget you in a month.