"I'm just sitting here......watching the wheels go round and round" Music is alive, I've realized after going to the Rock & Roll Annex today. It breathes and bleeds, it sweats and suffers and celebrates along with those who listen. A music fan is affected and changed by the songs they hear. And those songs become very much a part of the person as they grow up. You never forget the first time you've heard your favorite song, you feel it in you for life. A singer has a duty to their fans, a duty that some take very seriously, as a life-changer/saver. Lyrics become so personal and intimate sometimes, a listener feels a certain closeness with the singer and form relationships with that singer that are hard to define. The familiarity of their lyrics become sort of friendships that you carry for life. I imagine that when your favorite singer dies, it hurts. Through their songs, their feelings become your feelings at times. They sing to you and they understand you like no other. The conversations a fan has with their artist can never exist again, there are never going to be new songs and no new feelings to share. Today we were in the presence of John Lennon's blood; a humbling experience on its own should make more of an impact if his music has affected you the way it has many of his fans, my Dad included. He can never explain what it is about John, what it is about that music and where it takes him when he listens, but I've noticed it. Music that familiar feels so safe and warm, and since John's death I'm sure those songs have become even more powerful. We stood beside the bag of bloody clothes today, the clothes John wore as he died, and we signed our names on the white wall beside them. Like signing a guestbook at a funeral, he said his goodbyes. We paid our respects. Love/Peace written by many fans, grown men crying, reliving moments they've shared in their rooms through their stereos. Moments so intimate only they and John can ever fully understand.
Grammar School in GeneralEverything looks so small. I guess it was built for kids, I can't reach the banister without bending. My teachers used to tower over me. Larger than life, motivators, inspirations, guidance... Now they grab my face and pull my hair back to remind themselves that yes, in fact, I still look the same somehow. I haven't changed. "You do look like more of a rockstar though"... They've always had high expectations for me. One of their favorites, they said today. I like going there, they motivate me still. And somehow they still teach me stuff, even from just thinking about them. Talking to Mrs Savage and Ms Carbone reminded me that I have goals, they're so proud of the nothing I've accomplished. I can't imagine what they'd say if I ever got a job. Bear hugs, rub my back, you look so grown up, you'll always be my Robert though. I remember when you... I still laugh when I think about the time... Time flies doesn't it? 7 years, My god. Do you still keep in touch with... I didn't think so, they were always sort of wishy washy anyway. Fordham? You know Sister Dora went there, great footsteps you're following. She's one of a kind. I love Sr. Dora. She remembers me and doesn't. Her face changes when she sees me, but her brain doesn't remember me exactly. Not that it should, I was never sent to her office. I would only ever see her for good reasons, which I guess is why her face is still kind after so many years. That building feels the same. I've never felt scared of ringing that doorbell, or walking into that hallway. It still feels like it's mine for some reason. And they still act like I'm theirs. I'm so thankful to have them, motivating, inspiring, pushing, well-wishing. Those are teachers you dream about.
Mr RiveraOkay, maybe he was just a janitor on the surface, but he was so much a part of the spirit of SFA. Seeing his body today was so eerie because I realized I'd never seen him relax until today. I don't know anyone as hard working or reliable as Mr Rivera. And I know that the Sisters feel completely lost without him. The wake was held inside our school chapel. Up until today I'd never seen a dead body, and I never imagined I'd have to confront death behind the safe protective walls of my grammar school. I saw a lot of people today who I hadn't seen in a while, unfortunate to have this be a reason. I don't quite know how to sum up what I'm feeling or why I'm writing about this. But I've felt weird since Mr Rivera died. He never took a day off and he let us call him David behind Mrs. Savage's back. I'll never know anyone as kind, helpful and motivated as David. Descanse en Paz. Te queremos.
1. What Color Is Your Toothbrush? i have a green one and an orange one. 2. Name One Person That Made You Smile Today? I haven't smiled yet, been awake for an hour haha 3. What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning? Sleep 4. What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago? Eating Eggos 5. What Is Your Favorite Candy ? Im not a huge candy fan, but i do like warheads 6. What Is Your Favorite Food? Pasta 7. What's the last thing you said out loud? I'm currently singing along to All I Ever Wanted, so that 8. What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor? Birthday Cake Remix from Coldstone! or just vanilla 10. What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping? like 40 hours at stockton 11. Have You Ever Made A Promise You'd Die To Keep? No 12. Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week? Yes, sunglasses 13. The Last Sporting Event You Watched: I watched the X Games last month 14. What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn? Regular hahahaahh 15. Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message To On Facebook? Someone asking for homework 16. Ever Go Camping? Yes, it was crapppppp 17. Do You Take Vitamins Daily? No 18. Do You Go To Church Every Sunday? No 19. Do You Have a tan? Oh yah, all the time hahaha 21. Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw? No, unless I'm at a restaurant and they give me one 23,What are you doing tomorrow? Class 24. Where Is Your Dad? At work 25. Look to your left and what do you see? My conga drums, TV TiVo 26. What Color Is Your Watch? I don't own one 27. What Do You Think Of When You Hear "Australia"? Outback Steakhouse <3 28, What did you do yesterday? It was a really good relaxing day 29. Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru? I like to go there, dad likes the drive thru 30. What Is Your Favorite Number? 7 31. Who's The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone? mom 32. Any Plans Today? Checking the mail, doing spanish work 35. Last Song Listened To? Dont Let me stop you KC 36. Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards? No I can't 37. Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House? Nope 38. Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time? My slip on converse, so easy 39. Are You Jealous Of Anyone? No 40.. Is Anyone Jealous Of You? They should be! 41. Do You Love Anyone? Not in the sexy way 42. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children? Not any of my friends my age 43. Do Any Of Your Exes Have Children? I don't have any exes 44. Would You Ever Take Back Any Of Your Exes? I've never had one, but I would say, probably not 45. Do You Use The Word 'hello' Daily? No, I say Hey! 47. Do You Like Cats? No, i can't handle their demonry 48. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags? Yes yes! 49. How Did You Get Your Worst Scar? Chicken pox 50. Last Smoke? Don't smoke 51. Last Cd Played? ALLLLL I EVERRRRR WAAANNNTEEEEEDDDDDD 52. Last Bubble Bath? Not since I was really little 53. Last Time You Cried? 2 years ago 54. Last Meal? breakfast 57. Have You Ever Fallen In Love? No 58. Have you ever lost someone? Yes 59. Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm? yes 62. List Three Favorite Colors/shades? red brown green 63. Laughed Until You Cried: Yeah 64. Went Behind Your Parents Back? Yeah 68. Straight, Gay, Or Bi? Straight 69. Who Are The Best Huggers That You Know? Chubby people, or babies. 70. Do You Believe In Love At First Sight? I don't think so 71. Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone? No 74. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have? 4 75. Do You Want To Change Your Name? My last name, yes. 76. Last Time You Saw Your Father? yesterday 77. What Time Did You Wake Up Today? 12 79. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night? listening to kelly on bbc radio 1 80. What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room? TiVo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MY MACCCCCC ... and my signed kelly poster i guess. haha 81. Where Is Your Best Friend Right Now? class probably Day 4, a day lateI wish I were a rockstar sometimes. When I get all dressed up some days, I hope someone stops me in the street and asks if I'm in a band. I have that look, it's not that far fetched.
Day 5, A nice oneSo I promised to do a nice happy Day5 thing-you-don't-know. So this will bew nice and fluffy. I like finding out new things about my friends, old stories about when they were younger, things they hope to do someday, etc. Knowing trivial things like that makes me feel closer to them.
Day 3My eyes are off center. It bugs the hell out of me. I think peole notice but won't say anything. My right eye is stronger and it's the one I look out of most, so the left one just drags along with it, it's messy looking. I hate it.
25 things you dont know about me day 2!
One of my biggest fears as a kid was being in a car at night, I was always afraid a stranger would just open the door and hop in. I still lock the doors as soon as i get into a car, I know better now, but it's still a force of habit
25 Thngs you didn't know about me Day 1So, in honor of seeing these all pop up on facebook, I thought i'd do a more thorough more private version here. I think i'll take it day by day, 1 by 1, or just continue on with them as I get inspired. So number 25 is -- I don't poo in public! I don't like pulic bathrooms and the idea that people can hear me go, hear my bathroom sounds, freaks me out. I can't even pee if someone's in the public bathroom. It's a weird phobia I guess. But it's also a germ thing, but I also don't want people to her me go. It sounds so private to me, the bathroom noises, pee splashing and the like. They're private sounds!!! So no, no stranger will be hearing my private sounds.
QUIZ TIME1. Are you ready for 100 questions? 100? For real? 2. Do you watch college football? No 3. Who will fill this survey out after you? No one, my answers will have been too perfect 4. Who was the last person to send you a text message? Karrie 5. Do you love anyone? Not in the sexy way 6. Are you happy? All the time! My moody expression and dark clothing makes ppl think otherwise, but I SWEAR I'M HAPPY 7. Where was the last place you went shopping? American Eagle, didn't get anything 8 How do you feel about your hair? It has great days, and every other day is hat day 9. Where do you work? I'm self employed :-/ 10. Last thing you ate/drank? Mini muffins and water 11. Do you wish you were someplace else right now? No really, unless this other place won't require me to get out of my pajayjays 12. Do you have any pet peeves? Slow walkers, wanna punch the back of the heads 13. Do you have any expensive jewelry? I have a chain, i dont think it as expensive. But i otherwise hate anything on me 14. AIM or Yahoo? AIM 15. Do you like math? Hate it 16. How many hours on average do you work a week: HA like 1 or 2 hahhaahah 18. Favorite baseball team? Yankees 19. Favorte NBA team? I know all the names but dont follow any haha> How are those Knickerbockers doing? 20. Do you watch the Olympics? Yep, love them! 21. Last restaurant you went to? PF Changs 22. Who was the last person to call you? Richard 23. What?s your sign? Scorpio 24. Do you have a favorite number? 7 25. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donations? I gave a dollar to the veterans in the mall on Sunday 26. What do you spend the majority of your money on? Looking sexy 28. Are you an only child or do you have siblings? have a sister 29. Ever been called a bitch? Often, i know a lot of gay guys 30. Got any guilty pleasures? Yes! Many 31. Do you drink beer? No, smells bad 32. Whats your favorite color? Red 33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies? I have 4, all have been gifts, but i like them 34. Ever bought anything online? Yep 35. Myspace or Facebook? Both 36. Do you have T-Mobile? Nope, Verizon 38. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else? Well, i love myself a lot, sometimes too much. Still I have days where I think "man, it must be nice to be David Beckham" 41. Last time you saw your parents? Couple minutes ago 42. Do you have any talents? I can do that clover thing with my tongue. that's it. 43. Ever been in a wedding? Yeah, but I didnt want to be 44. Do you have any children? WHO KNOWS! My seed gets around haa 45. Last movie you watched? THIS IS ENGLAND!!!!! omg, everyone needs to see this movie 46. Are you missing anyone at the moment? Yes actually 47. Did you take a nap today? Nope 49. Ever been on a cruise? Nope...might be kinda fun to go on the Disney one though 50. Did you notice number 40 was missing? I DID NOT! FREAKY 52. Do you have any wealthy friends? I used to have wealthy friends, and I also still have friends who used to be wealthy 53. Ever met anyone famous before? So many! I LOVE THEM ALL. 54. Favorite actor? Matthew Perry 55. Favorite actress? I'll just list the actresses from my favorite movie : Melanie Brown, Geraldine Halliwell, Emma Lee Bunton, Melanie Chisolm, and last and most major, Victoria Beckham 56. Are you multi-tasking right now? Does listening to music and answerng a survey count 57. Could you handle being in the military? NO. 58. Are you hungry or thirsty? Neither 59. Favorite fast food restaurant? McDonalds 61. What is your average cell phone bill? Who knows! 62. Do you own a camera phone? yah 63. Ever had to take a sobriety test? No 64. Do you believe in Karma? Depends on the person 65. Can you speak any other languages? Spanish, Pig Latin and Jerigonza (Spanish Pig Latin!) ... OH and Ubbi Dubbi. So 4 languages. 66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out? this morning i did 4 sit ups, no joke. then i had a cupcake 67. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 4 68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use? yup 69. Last place you were? Besides my house?... the mailbox. 70. What is your college mascot? Um.. a Ram 71. Ever been to Las Vegas? No 76. Have you ever been gambling? No. I would nver! I dont understand the point in giving away your money and not getting anything back! If i'm gonna spend some cash, i want a nice sweater or scarf outof the deal 77. How old are your parents? 53 and 58 78. When is the last time you updated your blog? TONIGHT 79. Do you have your wisdom teeth? No 80. Favorite place to be? Gloria Estefan Concert. I can't explain the joy she brings 81. Have you been to New York City? Yep, love it! 82 . Favorite sit down restaurant? I don't like eating out, but Outback is rather delish 83. Ever been to Disney Land? Screw that! I WENT TO D-WORLD! EAT THAT DISNEYLAND 84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character? Oh god. Animaniacs 85. Last thing you cooked? Chicken and White Bean Stew with garlic toast 86. How is the weather today? Cold 87. Do you email? Yeah 88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill? A notice to pick up my parcel from the post office 89. Last missed call? Dad 91. Last voicemail you received? umm Katie drunk 92. Do you drunk dial/text? No 93. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? I dropped it the morning i met the Sugarlands 94. What is the best city in the state that you live in? Hoboken! 96. Did you just die? AAHHAAHHAH this made me laugh dunno why. it's morbid, but proper funny 97. Are you bored right now? No, I'm dancing 98. Last concert you went to? Gavin DeGraw!!!!!!!!! before that it was KREBA. God I have excellent taste! 99. What do you think about before you go to bed? Trying to get to sleep 100. What are your plans for tomorrow? Going tothe post office and picking up my parcel. It could be one of two things-- dvb sunglasses or a food processor, EITHER WAY I WILL LOOK SEXY USING IT ProcrastinationEver have one of those things to do all day and just didn't do it. Like today I have to check the mail, waiting fora package. Then I start to think "well, if i go check the mail, I'll have to put on shoes and sweatpants and go downstairs and walk across the street. And it's been raining so the bottom of my sweatpants will get really wet and they're so hard to dry and I don't feel like putting them in the washing machine yet because I only wear them around the house and to check the mail so they're not really dirty. At least not 'street dirty' which is what i call any item of clothing that's dragged along the streets of NY. You don't know who's peed on that sidewalk. Home from school-- instant hamper. Then what if it starts raining while I'm on my way back from the mail box. I just took a shower ad my hair looks sort of nice. Not going out nice, but check the mail nice-- which is hair that's nice enough to be able to stop and chat with a neighbor in case they corner me at the mailbox and want to ask what school I'm going to now because hey can't quite remember. I don't want to get my check the mail hair wet or dirty because it has the potential of becoming going out hair if i run a comb through it, if i owned a comb. I usually just comb it with my hands, it's lazy but you're dealing with someone who won't even check the mail because of the threat of wet sweatpants. Procrastination!
Gimme a Head With Hair
Alright. my hair's going through weird things at the moment. Since it was chopped off sloppily a few months ago, it's not yet recuperated or grown out properly. It has good days and bad, but at least it feels really nice. But I don't really plan on getting it cut for the simple fact that I can never find a good hair place. And I've never gotten a perfect hair cut.
I realize as i think about it how much i hate the entire hair cutting experience. It's all really an embarrassing ordeal isn't it? You've got to show up to this place with ideas in your hair of unfulfillable hairspectations-- other peoples hair you think you can pull off properly, and from the minute you begin describing what you want, shame ensues. It's all very emasculating, not that I'm particularly burly, with my slim pants and fancy sunglasses. After your hair's washed with the sweet smelling shampoo, you're made to walk around the entire hair place with a towel wrapped ornately round your head. And you're trying to not wet the ground or wet your clothes, so here you are, with a towel on your head (maybe even a pink towel) doing a funny walk. The hair cuts not too embarrassing. I don't like talking to the cutter-guy while they're doing their job. Firstly because I've got nothing particularly interesting or sparky to share with them, and second because I imagine if they've got time for a chin wag, they're very well not focused on making my hair look sexy. And my sexiness must be number one priority. My least favorite part is the end, where you stare yourself down in the mirror, looking all awkward as we all do right after a haircut. Feeling a bit idiotic and unsure of yourself. And then there's the silence. The hairdresser's fishing for compliments and approval. No use really, if it's a crap haircut the damage has been done. What can you say really, other than "goodbye?" They can't grown the hair back for you. Telling them they've done a crap job after the fact is no use. So, no haircut for me for a while. Not until I find someone I can trust. Writing Random Things
I write a lot of things. I barely share them anymore. My lyrics have melody now, which makes them weaker verbally but more cohesive. So I'm proud of them. I've just started writing a TV script, for fun obviously as I have no ins in the television world and it's barely any good. I get inspired a lot by other people's words. That's why it takes me so long to get any reading done. I'm reading Little Children by Tom Perrotta right now. He's one of the most brilliant authors of this generation in my opinion. I so admire his grasp of language and his impeccable understanding of the neurotic human mind. I hope to one day be half as emotionally aware as he is, and a third as verbal about it. He's inspired me a lot lately. The testament to a great author is one whose words inspire yo rto write down some of your own. It has taken me forever to finish this book because every page fills me with more ideas about my own characters. And I'm extremely grateful, because otherwise I would barely be writing at all.
Truthfully, I've missed the process, having not completed any worthwhile or substantial amounts of writing since 2006. I'm trying to get back into it. It's so difficult to motivate oneself when there is'nt the slightest bit of pressure behind the work you're creating. There is no due date, no one to read it, not a single person to forcinly share it with like a teacher, editor etc. I could send it to whoever i wanted, a friend, an old now cold and distant former teacher, anyone I wanted really. I could post it on those strange crative writing forums. But what's the use? There's no due date or deadline. I have all the time in the world to create something out of nothing or to just create nothig at all. It's terrifying. I need to start again, it would be nice. It would maybe stop my mind from creating dialogues between fictional characters. I've played whole movies in my mind that I havent written. In my head there are even a few shitty drafts of "She Loves Lucy" my Lesbian sitcom. I've just begun writing "Wasteland" a teen drama based on the UK show "Skins." It won't be going anywhere. But at least I'm not just wasting my tothing. Change Change Change
Not really. Nothing's really changed. Maybe it's time for a change? I feel like I am very boring. I don't know why. Just today. A lot of the time I think I'm awesome. Today I feel boring. I think I'll start wearing cologne again. I stopped when I started going to high school. In a school for all boys there's absolutely nobody to smell nice for. Even though at Fordham there's no one in particular, maybe it doesn't hurtto smell nice? I don't have B O or anything, I just wanna try something different. So I've been googling and ordered free samples of some colognes, just to see. If i don't like any, no biggie, they're free.
I keep missing my hair cut appointment. I need to find a good place to go to around here, some place that cuts young people's hair. I've gotten my hair cut by old men my whole life. Which at times has resulted in sub par hair results. I kinda wanna dye my hair. Is that weird? Would that be weird? I dunno, it's almost summer time and I still feel very "wintery." I already told everyone I know who lives near the beach that we are totally going this summer. I'm usually not a beach fan. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm dying to go. I like the ocean, I hate the sand, I hate the sun. I hate the heat. WHY do i wanna go to the beach so much? I don't get it! but i really really do. I need to buy board horts. Maybe I'll intentionally miss my bus tomorrow and go shopping at quiksilver/billabong/element. I'm still writing, semi-daily. I find a lot of my writing hasds gotten more simplified now that I write with melody. There are melodies in my head despite my lack of playing any instrument. I wish I could play an instrument, it would be nice. So because the writing isnt as good without the melody, I've stopped posing a lot of my writting, But that doesn't mean that I've stopped blogging or stopped writing. See? I totally remembered my password to blogspot, so there. Beloved Blog
I would never abandon you!!! i just haven't had anything worth saying. well that's not true. Everyone has something worth saying, or writing... or at least hey think they do. Maybe i've been too busy to notice you. but i do like writing here. i've had a lot of work, more work than ever before. last year was like 8th grade. this is my first year in a big boy college. and while i have come to appreciate my experiences at stockton, i have never been prouder of any decision i've made. despite unbelievable challenges, i am positive fordham is a good fir for me, or will be. my feet are still getting wet i think. i'm thinking of plunging soon, maybe.
I write every day. I try to at least, once aday. even a phrase, or an idea for something. I have so many unorganized ideas that fly in and out of my head. i wish i had more retention, or a quiet half hour to just get it all down. there's a lot flying around up here, i'm pointing to my brrain, it would be nice to share it with others. but it gets away from me a lot of the time. i miss writing my stories, i miss it deeply. There was nothing more unbearable and rewarding to me than working on a story, I miss it a lot. I feel now how others may have felt at Stockton when I spoke with them. They would always say "big city boy, he's so smart." I am by far not the smartest person in my school this year. Definitely not. These people talk like I wite. How can words pour out of them that easily? Complex brilliant words eloquent and flowy. They talk like poetry, they speak in melodies, it's fascinating to watch. I hate a few of them. Well just one girl, she gets on my nerves a lot. She raises her hand and just says random brilliant words, she rambles more eloquently than I write. It takes me deep concentration to write like how she speaks. I think she's showing off. Because she usually just starts speaking before her brain reaches her point. She takes the class on her brain's journey with her, and I really never feel like taking her trip. I like being where I am. It's not perfect, but nothing really ever is, and that's a good thing. Perfect seems boring.. I like challenging myself, and that is definitely what's been happening. Things are good, blog-god. Thanks for listening. Never
I’ll get away while there’s time
I’ll fly well into the night Well into tomorrow Move on past the dense fog Move on from where you are While I’m still young Is there a place where time’s still A place for me to just wait Where I won’t grow old Or keep missing you more Oh Never… It never existed This place in my head Where my dreams were bred Were kept and preserved Today washed away Oh Never… You never existed I’m getting older too fast I swore I’d never do that I’m covered in regret Thought I could fly past the night Into never ending light Into tomorrow Is there a place where time’s still A place to just wait Where I won’t grow old Or keep missing you more Oh Never… It never existed This place in my head Where my dreams were fed Were kept and preserved Today washed away Oh Never… You never existed Sangre
El agua sabe a sangre
Y a lágrimas llenos de sal Tan frió y tan infinito No tiene por donde acabar Ay, no me olvido del mar Que suele guardar Memorias, recuerdos,Deseos y sueños Por el camino a la libertad El agua sabe a sangre Las olas recogen el dolor Tan solos y tan desesperados Buscando un mundo mejor Ay, no me olvido del mar Que suele guardarMemorias, recuerdos,Deseos y sueños Por el camino a la libertad La tierra huele a sangre Mi gente se sacrifica Por no tener remedio Al mar ellos se entregan Ay, no me olvido del mar Que suele guardar Memorias, recuerdos,Deseos y sueños Por el camino a la libertad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me |
