Late Night Survey0 comments***FAVORITES*** GIRL SCOUT COOKIE: Trefoils & Thanks_a-Lots SPORT TO PLAY: Scrabble? SPORT TO WATCH: The Olympics i guess HOLIDAY: Christmas, My Birthday! THING TO DO WITH FRIENDS: Movies, long walks, coffee, theater REALITY SHOW: I guess Idol ***EITHER/OR*** MOVIE THEATRE/AT HOME: At Home, but I do like going to the movies. HARRY POTTER/LORD OF THE RINGS: Potter TELETUBBIES/THE WIGGLES: Teletubbies TARGET/K-MART: TARGET OLD METALLICA/NEW METALLICA: No Metallica. DOGS/CATS: Dogs TODDLERS/BABIES: Both terrifying. But toddlers cause they have little personalities FUCK/MAKE LOVE: Either? Now? Please? ***HAVE YOU EVER*** GOTTEN IN A FIGHT: Not a violent one FALLEN IN YOUR SHOWER: No thank God, big fear of mine!! PASSED OUT DRUNK: HAHA No. The one time I was drunk I just felt bored and sleepy and thought "if this is it, I'm never doing this again" COME CLOSE TO DYING: No HAD DETENTION: Yes, 5 times TAKEN THE BLAME FOR SOMEONE: Probably. My best friend in grammar school was kind of the kid who got in trouvle a lot for being stupid. So i stuck up for him SLEPT ALL DAY LONG: Yes, after not sleeping for 2 THROWN UP IN CLASS: No! There was a bir thday where basically the cupcakes were rotten/ laced with poison??? Because EVERYONE threw up, but I was fine GONE TO CLASS HIGH: Nope, never ever ever PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE: Yes PLAYED SPIN THE BOTTLE: Yes ***RANDOM QUESTIONS*** CRIED BECAUSE YOU MISSED SOMEONE: Yes, shit! WOULD YOU EVER TAKE A CAREER IN LAW ENFORCEMENT: Uh huh, cause I'd be taken seriously! WHO ARE YOU CLOSEST WITH IN YOUR FAMILY: Mom, Brandi HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO: Yes, a few people thankfully HAVE YOU EVER SHOPPED FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS: Oh yes FAVORITE THING TO DO WHEN ALONE: Dance around, sing real loud Me, Today0 commentsThe first thing to make you smile today: Looking out my window and adjusting my eyes to the bright snow. It was super quiet outside but there were already kids playing at 9:00 AM. I feel bad sometimes when I act like a grown up and get angry about the snow, because I remember how much I loved it as a kid. Hearing those kids giggle when they?d fall face first into a pile of snow brought back tons of memories, and made me want to still act silly even if at my age it might seem strange. Your favorite thing to do: I like having long conversations. I like catching up with people I haven?t spoken to in years. As un-Rob as that sounds. The other day I saw my best friend from 2nd grade, and though we?re not close anymore I thought "How cool to still be connected to someone 13 years later." A few years ago I spent Christmastime with my "group" from grammar school. It was always the 6 of us every day, and every weekend, for about 10 years. We lost touch in high school as new friends were made and school rivalries took over. But seeing them again, we just clicked right back to where we used to be. I love that. As awkward as catching up with some people is, somehow it never felt weird to me to contact them. The first friends you make are the hardest to let go of. Favorite Memory: One of my favorite memories is probably my earliest. I think I was 3, and for whatever reason, it?s as vivid as if it were yesterday. First I must mention that my grandparents sleep in separate rooms, and I spent every day of my childhood in their house. So there I am, on my grandfather?s bed, my grandmother in her husband?s fancy rocking chair with the carved pineapples on it. I?m staring into their old little yellow boom box and we?re listening to Gloria Estefan. She?s telling me stories about how the songs remind her of home, of her friends, of when she met my grandfather. By this point, the tape had started to wear out significantly, and the voice was warped. I asked my grandmother why it sounded so weird and she said "well, you?ve listened to it so much, Gloria?s getting tired of singing." I thought about it for a while, finally understood it and giggled. It?s a very simple memory, but to me, it?s one of the nicest. Where you want to be right now: I like my room. I don?t feel like I?m missing out on anything staying here for the night. It?s cozy and the lights are warm. I?m in my pajamas and the night is pretty still. I know on a Friday night, some people prefer a thumping bass and a stranger?s tongue on your face, but that?s not my scene. I?m simple. I?m hanging here tonight, talking to a few of my favorite people, and everything feels right. I?m satisfied with my place. 5 at a Time0 commentsFive Things You Are Addicted To -Twitter -My iPod -Coffee -Urban Outfitters -Texting
-Australia -Hawai?i -Cuba -Macchu Pichu
Five Random Things Around You: -My eyes are crooked -I sing in the shower -I have 5 gray hairs -I don?t like to eat out -I often lie about my favorite movie or singer because Gloria Estefan and "Frida" are profoundly embarrassing
-Rabbit -Rabbi -Razor -Roses -Ringo Five Things That Always Cheer You Up -Friends -"Friends" -Music -Cooking -Hugs
-Koala -Kangaroo -Dolphin -Thing 1 (or Thing 2 I?m not picky) -Fraggle -Go meet the Cat in the Hat -Learn to fly -Have a twin that can do shit for me, like on Sister Sister -Work at Central Perk -Go to barnes and noble and move all the books in the fiction section over to the nonfiction section Friendship/Stress/Issues/Helpless0 commentsI'm pushy, I'm self centered, I think everything's about me, I try too hard, I get hooked too fast, I lose friends easily, I don't make them easily, I miss too many people, I'm nostalgic over things I haven't even done, and I get hurt quite often.
I'm an imperfect friend, but so is everyone. Sometimes I feel helpless about it, like it's my on fault for clinging to people so fast, but I'm not good at being laid back. When I met CJ we hated each other, and I find that fascinating. The longest friendship of my life had started with one of the biggest rivalries I've ever faced. Maybe that's what's kept it so solid? I knew the bad side of him going in, and I knew that it was going to be a bumpy friendship. I knew we were going to butt heads, and I knew I was going to do things that pissed him off. I often idealize people. I make them perfect in my head because I like them, and it scares me so much when I discover their bad side. My friends are imperfect, I've realized that so much more often lately, and there's nothing I can do to help. Everyone's got issues that make them all dark and twisty inside, and I can't untangle them or sort them out. My hands are tied. What's worse is my help is unwanted! So my busybody nosy attitude is just seen as me being pushy and obnoxious-- some of my imperfections. I have to work on taking things less personal. Not everything is about me. Just happens that with some of you, I'm always around, and i receive it. I end up serving as the emotional punching bag and it really realllly sucks! It hurts a lot, kids! I can't explain how shitty it feels to know I can't help, or understand what you're both going through! Everyone's got issues, but I hate keeping mine inside. As much as i t ry not to wear my heart on my sleeve, I've been a much more open person lately. My stress is out there, my dirty laundry's all over the front lawn. Everyone knows when I feel like shit, and I try to explain why, because I don't want my friends to think it's their fault. And I refuse to take out my shitty day on the people I care about. I respect my friends far too much to do that undeservedly to them. Eavesdropping0 commentsToday on the bus a pretty blonde of about my age sat next to me and smiled as she pulled out her phone and dialed. When the caller answered, all she said was "Hey..... What've you been doing?" I knew straight away that this wasn't a regular phone call, you know... the kind that demands urgency or a point. This was not the kind of phone call that had a conclusion; they had just picked up where they left off and will continue to do so. She was talking to her boyfriend I assume. You can always tell when a person's talking to their boyfriend/girlfriend just by the inflection in their voice and the things they say. She told the most boring stories to him that I'm sure he found enjoyable, and as he began telling her about his stress at work, she listened intently and let him vent. He unloaded for about 20 minutes as she agreed with everything he said. It was lovely to hear. She was 100% in h is corner, had his back. She boosted his confidence and was frustrated by the things and people that frustrated him. You can't help but be jealous of relationships like that... people who can't wait til their next call from you, whose days are brightened as the phone rings. She was stressed, her hair was a mess, but he made her smile, and he brought a bit of sanity to her messy day. Their long conversation was punctuated by long silences in which i assume, he wasn't speaking either. But that's the point isn't it? It's nice to know that your person is on the other end of the phone, and it's your job to be there for them when they have a shitty day. Maybe not for advice, or to help, but sometimes I know i need to be reminded that people are in my corner. It's important to know someone has your back. Everyone needs a person. The Truth, in Bold0 commentsI?m loud.
I?m obnoxious. I?m sarcastic. I?m cocky. I cry easily. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don?t like people. I?m easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I?ve smoked. I?ve smoked weed. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily. My Appearance I?m shorter than 5?5. I wear makeup. I wear a piece of jewlery at all times. I wear contacts. I wear glasses. I?ve had braces. I have braces. I change my hair color often. I straighten my hair often. My ears are pierced. I have small feet. Relationships I?m in a relationship now. I?m single. I?m crushin?. I?ve missed an ex before. I?m always scared of being hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I?ve told someone I loved them when I didn?t. I?ve told someone I didn?t love them when I did. I?ve been in love more than two times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love. Friendships I have a best friend. I have at least ten friends. I?ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend. I?ve beaten up a friend. I?ve been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life. Experiences I?ve been on a plane. I?ve been on a train. I?ve left the state/province. Someone close to me has died. I?ve taken a taxi. I?ve taken a city bus. I?ve taken a school bus. I?ve gone bungee jumping. I?ve made a speech. I?ve been in some sort of club. I?ve won an award. I?ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I?ve been in a physical fight. Music I listen to country. I listen to pop. I listen to techno. I listen to rock. I?m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD?s. Television I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I?m in love with Days Of Our Lives. I?ve seen and like The OC. I?ve seen and like One Tree Hill. I?ve seen and like America?s Next Top Model. I?ve seen and like Popular. I?ve seen and like House. I?ve seen and like 24. I?ve seen and like CSI. I?ve seen and like Everwood. Family Life I get along with both of my parents. My biological parents are still together. I have at least one brother. I have at least one sister. I have at least one step brother/sister. I have at least one half brother/sister. I?ve been kicked out of the house. I?ve ran away from my home. I?ve sworn at my parents. I?ve made my parents cry. I?ve lied to my parents. I?ve lied to my parents about where I am. I?ve lied to my parents about what I?m doing. I?ve lied to my parents so I?d be allowed out. I?ve walked out when I?ve been grounded. Hair I?ve cut my hair in the past year. I?ve dyed my hair in the past year. I?m blonde. I?ve had black. I?ve been red. I?ve been light brown. I?ve been medium brown. I?ve been brown. I?ve had streaks. I?ve had purple/pink. I?ve been blue/green. I?ve gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner. I?ve used silk therapy. I?ve used hot oil treatments. I?ve curled my hair. I?ve straightened my hair. I?ve ironed my hair. I?ve braided my hair. I?ve had\want dreadlocks. School I?ve thrown something at a teacher. I?ve yelled at a teacher. I?ve been suspended. I?ve had an in-school suspension. I?ve been sent to the principal?s office. I?ve walked out of class. I?ve skipped an entire day of school. I?ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. I?ve failed a test. I?ve cheated on a test. I?ve helped someone else cheat on a test. I?ve failed Art. I?ve failed P.E. I?ve failed Math. I?ve failed Science. I?ve failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I?ve been caught skipping. I?ve been on the honor roll. I?ve been on effort honor roll Fine...0 commentsNone of my friends are fine right now. i feel like i'm the most fine, and that makes me feel bad that i can't empathize more with the situations they've found themselves in. I wish i could be a better friend, a better shoulder. Maybe i'm so self centered that I make my own problems bigger than they are, and force them to become the focus of conversation, but i do want to be there for them.
I'm not a good sharer-- of emotions or feelings or of time. I tend to control the conversation and make everything about me, which at times i feel forces people to think they can't talk about their issues with me. some people are just as closed off emotionally as i am, which frustrates me, but i understand it because of how i am. I'm not good at advice and I'm not good at opening up. I don't like being vulnerable and i'm always afraid of giving too much away, i always get hurt if i do. But i'm a good listener, I've been told. And I care too much, that's my curse. i feel like when some of you say you're fine, because the 2 people i'm concerned about do read this blog. it's more defense mechanism than anything else. Fine. I swear I'm fine. Convince yourself of that, and maybe it'll be true. Everything's weighing on your shoulders, and you're responsible for so much and so unsure of what's next, and it's scary and frustrating. I get that, I'm in that same place. And I know i'm not that fine, but is pretending so much better than putting down your guard and actually speaking with someone who's there too? Nothing about this stage of my life is normal, or stable. Everything's so up in the air and terrifying. I'm 21, i have no discernible skills, no job prospects and no idea about when I'd get to move out. I still get treat ed like i'm in high school, i still get asked to check in, I still get picked up if i hang out with friends. I'm still a kid, despite not feeling like it or wanting to be one. And at this age, I have thoughts about a future, having a life, being independent, not being alone. i don't know. For all of my whining, things could be worse. Things could crash harder, or be more unstable. For all of the fears you both have, things could be harder. And if all else fails, it's comforting to know that someone cares, and is there to listen. Are we all still fine? Silence= Thinking= Writing1 commentsNot good writing, or even creative writing. But still ideas on paper, in notebooks, on looseleaf, wherever. Ideas get written down at times. Lately more-so. I thought school would be more aggravating than it has been. I'm doing fairly well, getting all my work done doing all my reading and writing and still finding time to somewhat sleep and still be a productive 21 year old with a semblance of a life? Nothing exciting, just doing my part to not lose touch with people. Like I said before, it's a concern this year to maintain friendships that have fallen off track previously. So that's going fairly well, I think. It's never easy, but it's good to remind people that I care and that i'm here for them.
I'm trying to blog more too. Not for any duty to the few of you that actually know this blog exists, but for a selfish reason. Writing regularly, even about myself, does help tighten the skills that i felt i was losing. Recently, in the past 2 years, most of my longer pieces of writing, for school, have been in Spanish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I felt like I wasn't writing at the same level I used to. So I'm blogging to improve, or at least to remind myself that I like doing this, despite how frustrating the act of writing is most of the time. But there's a big problem with this... Telling you that I feel like writing doesn't actually mean I will write, or that I'm currently in any process. I'm not even in the right frame of mind. Ambition means nothing if there is no action put forth. But i'm working on it, I swear. The other night I couldn't sleep, even after forcing myself, so I opened a notebook and wrote for a bit. It's nothing special, and i eventually forgot about it. The piece was about h ow I forget people's names after not speaking with them for a few years, and in the act of writing about forgetting someone's name, I remembered it. So there goes that! That was a useless 20 minutes. But at least something was achieved? Even if it ended up being fruitless? I suppose. Who knows? That's where I am tonight. Silence. Everyone's asleep or busy, so no one's answering my texts! So it's silent in here. So I'm thinking, and nothing's really flowed out of me except for the 3 whiney paragraphs you've just read.
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