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I feel like complaining. I feel like being a brat for a few seconds instead of always being freakin positive and funny. I'm always the funny one, I say stupid things in awkward situations, I have nothing else. Because of this, even my closest friend has proven to not know me well at all. I've had friends for like 7 or 8 years, and they barely know anything about me. It's hard. I'm here now, in my 20s, and I don't have anyone really close to me. People get close and then start easing away, pushing themselves out of my life, avoiding me, distancing themselves. That hurts. 

I think I'm nice. I do a lot for people. I'm generous with my time and my ear, I'm just generous in general. I think about people, I'm thoughtful, and I'm always there. I do a lot to keep my friends, I do things to prove how much I care for them. I guess that's not good, to prove myself... but I get nothing in return. People forget my birthday, they forget to call or check in, they just do things that prove that they don't care as much about me as I do about them. And it's happened so often, that now as it's happening again, it's seriously scaring me. Am I incapable of holding on to anyone? Or am I one of those freaks who's destined to be a loner. I went to the movies alone today, I hate doing that, but who's gonna go with me? Am I just meant to not get close with anyone? Should I develop a hard shell of an exterior so that it hurts less when people care less? Should I stop being so good, so open and honest? Is developing a wonderful friendship for a short while worth the pain of it deteriorating a few months later? 

I always say that I love being alone, I like the privacy and the quiet. But for good? Forever? Every day? That's not healthy. I need people, I miss people. Hanging out with Michelle a few weeks ago felt so good, it was the first time in a while where I felt like someone was excited to see me, like someone cared. It felt nice to get a hug, give one back, and know that there was a person right there who missed me, or who was genuinely happy to have me around. I wish more people felt that way. 
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FUN! FUN! FUN! BORED!

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Famous People to Invite to Your Dream Dinner Party, Dead or Alive.

Gloria Estefan, Jose Marti, Dr. Seuss, Janis Jopln, Woody Allen 

5 Bands/Musicians I?ve been Listening to A lot Lately.

Lately? Shakira, She & Him, Ingrid Michaelson, Erik Hassle, Kings of Leon 

5 Things I?m addicted to

My Phone, Coffee, Twitter, Music, Netflix

5 Biggest Celebrity Crushes.

Shakira, Emma Watson, Billie Piper, Alexa Chung, Taylor Swift

5 Songs I Can?t Stop Listening to at the Moment. 

Wash Rinse Repeat- Kelly C

Waka Waka- Shakira
Just Stay- Kevin Devine
Peacemaker- Green Day
I really Want You- Plain White Ts

5 Favourite TV Shows

Friends, Grey's Anatomy, 30 Rock, Weeds, The Simpsons

5 Your Dream Future: 1 Job/2 City/3 Car/4 Spouse/5 Pet.



Writing somehow, NYC maybe, i'm not sure, Mini Cooper they're fun looking, Someone hot duh. Bulldog

5 Things that Always Cheer Me Up.

"Friends," catching up with old friends, hugs, broadway, concerts

Top 5 People I Want to Punch in the Face

I'm not a violent person. I don't ever reach that point. 

5 Favourite Actors/Actresses.

Mary Louise-Parker, Salma Hayek, Tom Hanks, Susan Sarrandon, Kate Winslet 

5 TV Shows You?ve Seen Every Episode of.

Friends, Reba, That 70s Show, Scrubs (even when it got bad), The Nanny

Put Your iPod on Shuffle-What are the First 5 Songs that come up?

Hanging On Too Long- Duffy


Soft- Kings of Leon

What I'd Give- Sugarland (BEST SONG ON THAT CD!!! SEXY!!!!)

How You Survived the War- The Weepies

She Left Me- McFly

LETS DO 5 MORE THIS IS FUN

Moist- Janet Jackson (Yes, it's about her bajingo) "You bout to make the rain cum down." true story.

No Llores- Gloria Estefan <3333333

Mariella- Kate Nash

OK, It's Alright With Me- Eric Hutchinson (SUCH A good CD from start to finish. I'm still bitter I didnt get to watch his set cause i was stuck meeting The Clarkson. She's old news)

Lonely Enough- Little Big Town  (They're great songwriters, I really should listen to them more, cause I like this song)

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I'm bored, This is summer vacation.

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1. What time did you get up this morning?
This week, it's been around 9 or 10. Feels nice to wake up when I want but still have the whole day to do nothing. haha

2. How do you like your steak?
Not a huge steak fan, but when I get steak, I go for medium well. 

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
How to Train Your Dragon, and it was very fun!!

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Friends, Grey's Anatomy, Weeds, 30 Rock

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
NYC, Seattle or London. I have a type, obviously

6. What did you have for breakfast?
I started with cranberry-orange oatmeal but it was disgusting. so i chucked it and made maple & brown sugar oatmeal.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Italian. Love pasta so much. 

8. What foods do you dislike?
Seafood. Anything with mayonnaise anything with ketchup

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Outback, Fridays, I'm very basic I think haha

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
I don't drive

12. What are your favorite clothes?
That i own? I'm proud of my sunglasses collection. I also have really great sweaters & tees. My jeans are normal. 

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
England & Australia.  

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Chronically half full. No matter what. I'm painfully optimistic, which is a good thing I think. 

15. Where would you want to retire?
Wherever I'm living? I think it's strange to retire and move away from everyone & everything.

16. What is your favorite time of day?
Night time, when the house is quiet and I'm alone watching TV or on the phone. it's so peaceful

17. Where were you born?
Meadowlands Hospital.

18. What are your favorite sports to watch?
None thanks. Though I do like the X Games & Extreme sports


20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
huh? 

22. Bird watcher?
I do NOT have the patience for that.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Total night owl.

24. Do you have any pets?
No.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
Not really. I'm currently boring.  

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
An Estefan. 

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Sitting on my grandpa's bed staring into his little yellow boom box and listening to Gloria Estefan with my grandma. 

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
DOGS. 

29. Are you married?
Nope. Marriage doesn't traditionally go well in my family. We'll see. hahaha 

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yeah, it's automatic unless I'm in the back 

31. Been in a car accident?
Only once

32. Any pet peeves?
bad grammar, slow walkers.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
cheese.

34. Favorite Flower?
i don't care.

35. Favorite ice cream?
birthday cake or vanilla bean 

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds? 

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Can't fail if you haven't taken it! 

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Ebay 

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Urban Outfitters, Topman, The Apple Store, Macys,

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Nope. That was last month! 

41. Are you currently a student?
NOT FOR THE NEXT 4 MONTHS!!!!

42. Broccoli?
Yum-O! 

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Spain or Miami both special. 

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
My dad, it was lunch, but it counts 

45. What are you listening to right now?
A movie I put on so I could finish it and mail it.

46. What is your favorite color?
red & gray  

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None yet.  

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Uhh...  

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
12 28 

50. Coffee Drinker?
Yes, desperately
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Ahhhh! Wait, what am I gonna complain about now?

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School's over for the year. After the semester I've had and the level of stress I've experienced, suffice it to say I'm relieved. Relieved beyond explanation. Joy! Happiness! But here I am, in my house, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and it's hard to be here. Some of you don't know but my grandma lives here now, because my grandfather has passed away. And it's very difficult on all of us. It's strange for me, I haven't spent so long with her since I was maybe 9 or 10. It's weird to have to take care of someone who used to take care of me. Role reversal and growing up is a strange thing, something I wasn't prepared for. 
When she got here, it was the night he had died, which gave us a distraction. We were so worried about how she was doing, that we never really had time to sit down and realize how different our lives are now without him. Today my dad got emotional in the car when he drove past their old apartment. He said he had no work to do in the office today and was just sat there in silence and was able to speak to his dad and tell him how much he missed him. My heart broke, we all didn't realize how much losing someone would disrupt the order in our family, and how vital my grandpa was to all of us. 
Nevertheless, she' hard to live with. I love her, she's my grandma, but it's difficult. It takes a toll on the three of us, and I don't think there's anything we can do. I just don't want her to become my responsibility now that I'll be home. She's the type who'll get mad if I go out for a day and leave her alone. But i can't put my life on hold either, that would be unfair. I'm not sure what to do.

I guess I do have something to complain about.

I wanted to write a blog about my grandfather the week he died. I couldn't really explain what it felt like, or how it still feels. There are times where I expect the phone to ring and hear him on the other end telling me that Shakira's on TV somewhere, or that he wants my mother to make him some meatballs. It feels unreal sometimes. It's a hard situation to explain. I miss him though. He was the only person who was proud of me for having accomplished nothing. And he loved my sunglasses. 
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