School's over for the year. After the semester I've had and the level of stress I've experienced, suffice it to say I'm relieved. Relieved beyond explanation. Joy! Happiness! But here I am, in my house, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and it's hard to be here. Some of you don't know but my grandma lives here now, because my grandfather has passed away. And it's very difficult on all of us. It's strange for me, I haven't spent so long with her since I was maybe 9 or 10. It's weird to have to take care of someone who used to take care of me. Role reversal and growing up is a strange thing, something I wasn't prepared for.
When she got here, it was the night he had died, which gave us a distraction. We were so worried about how she was doing, that we never really had time to sit down and realize how different our lives are now without him. Today my dad got emotional in the car when he drove past their old apartment. He said he had no work to do in the office today and was just sat there in silence and was able to speak to his dad and tell him how much he missed him. My heart broke, we all didn't realize how much losing someone would disrupt the order in our family, and how vital my grandpa was to all of us.
Nevertheless, she' hard to live with. I love her, she's my grandma, but it's difficult. It takes a toll on the three of us, and I don't think there's anything we can do. I just don't want her to become my responsibility now that I'll be home. She's the type who'll get mad if I go out for a day and leave her alone. But i can't put my life on hold either, that would be unfair. I'm not sure what to do.
I guess I do have something to complain about.
I wanted to write a blog about my grandfather the week he died. I couldn't really explain what it felt like, or how it still feels. There are times where I expect the phone to ring and hear him on the other end telling me that Shakira's on TV somewhere, or that he wants my mother to make him some meatballs. It feels unreal sometimes. It's a hard situation to explain. I miss him though. He was the only person who was proud of me for having accomplished nothing. And he loved my sunglasses.
0 comments:
Post a Comment