The Perks of Being a Cuban.

It's late, I have one very small lamp on, but my room's as bright as it ever really gets. It's dark in here, which is hard for me. I bump into things a lot, but more than that, it puts me in a bad mood. I'm one of those people who says they enjoy the creativity found in a cloudy day, but I also crave a bright sunny one. It might be one of those seasonal things that people get, where people feel healthier and more alive drenched in sunlight. I don't know for sure, but I do notice a difference in my demeanor when I'm surrounded by darkness.

It's like a cave down here, I'm a hobbit or a gnome or some sort of weird grumpy creature who despite all normal appearances, does not enjoy invasions of space and property. I don't want it to affect me too much, so I do notice that since living down here I've gone out more, sometimes for a week at a time! and i try not to stay home as much. Which is a great thing, as I was become too hermit-like upstairs. I needed something negative or distracting about my living space that would make me want to go out more and do things.

This cave helps. Going outdoors helps, getting dressed up and being blinded by the sunlight is a really nice feeling that seems to work for me. It decompresses me and de-stresses me. A lot of shit is happening, I need all the positive energy I can get. Luckily I'm feeling great, physically. I'm even less tired now that I'm eating better. There's other crap, frustrating crap. I get mad at people for the worst reasons. Today I got upset because one person was talking far too much and then I got upset because someone else wasn't talking enough. I'm hard to please apparently, or just easily irritable. I'm not asking for people to walk on eggshells for me, but a little understanding helps. I'm not confrontational on purpose, it's just my go-to emotion. I argue, I yell, I say mean things, I think people get tired of me or brush me off more often than they actually do. I lash out and I'm an asshole a lot of the time… It's just how I get when shit gets complicated.